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Valentine’s Day is often seen as a celebration of romantic love, but what if love starts from within? In this Wellness Wednesday episode, Beth and Robin explore the foundation of love—self-love. Without it, we risk settling for less, struggling with boundaries, and feeling unworthy. Self-love isn’t about grand gestures; it’s in the small acts of care—enjoying a morning coffee, setting boundaries, or acknowledging our worth. Whether single or in a relationship, self-love shapes how we give and receive love. So, this Valentine’s Day, ask yourself: Do I truly love and respect myself? If not, where can I start?
Check out all the Wellness Wednesday episodes.
Show Hosts:
Robin Ennis on the web at www.robinennislcsw.com
Beth Gustin, LPC, NCC, EMDRIA Approved Consultant, CAGCS, PLGS
Www.transitioningthroughchange.com
You can message Beth and Robin by calling 612-367-6093 or by email. They are looking forward to hearing from you!
Full Transcript
{Music}
Intro Song: Oh, yeah. Turn it up. Oh, yeah. Wellness Wednesday, with Beth and Robin gonna settle it down. Oh, yeah. Get your feet planted on the ground. Wellness Wednesday…
Beth: By taking care of ourselves and loving ourselves, we actually do have more to offer to others.
Robin: If you don’t love yourself, you tend to settle. Settle for behaviors that may not be healthy.
Beth: If you take care of your body, you know physically, you eat well, you drink enough water, you take care of yourself. Exercise wise, that’s an act of self-love because you care enough about yourself to do those things.
Beth: Welcome back to Wellness Wednesday. My name is Beth Gustin, a licensed professional counselor here in Colorado with my co-host Robin Ennis, a licensed clinical social worker also here in Colorado. We thought with Valentine’s Day coming up, it would be good to talk about self-love. I know you’re probably thinking Valentine’s Day, Valentine’s day, self-love, self-love. We hear all this a lot. But I think it highlights the importance of self-love, especially around this time of year. If we are single, whether it’s by choice or not. There’s a lot of Valentine’s stuff that’s just in your face all the time, and it’s a good reminder, I think, to focus on how we can show love to ourselves. And this can look a lot of different ways. I get the question from my clients often, or the statement of I don’t know how to do that. I don’t know what that even would look like. So we thought it’d be helpful to talk about self-love, the importance of it, and some ways that you can start to maybe love yourself more, or some ways that you maybe are loving yourself and didn’t realize it.
Robin: Well said, Beth. When I think of a Valentine’s Day when you’re single, it really makes it more apparent that you’re, you’re single. But I like how over the years, Valentine’s Day has broadened its definition and what that looks like. That’s what I encourage people to do, too. Like, going off of what Beth said is to not only think about Valentine’s Day as a couple’s holiday, but a way to show love to yourself and then also to show love to your friends. Right? And think of so why do my friends love me? Why do my friends want to be around me? That can help you think of qualities that you have to embrace who you are as a person. And self-love is really important because we tend to be our own worst critic, and we have to be around ourselves 24 over seven, right? Our bodies have carried us through a lot, and it’s important to offer ourselves thanks and realize, hey, look how far I’ve come and look how far I’m going to go. And so I need to appreciate myself. And how can I be able to do that? I have this discussion with my clients too, and one of my clients, I had mentioned that because they are in a relationship and I had mentioned, you know, it’s really important to love yourself in order to love somebody else. And she disagreed with me. She had heard that in the past. And she said, no, I completely disagree. And so even if you disagree or agree with that on some level, if you are in a relationship, think about how you’re showing up in that relationship. Because if you fully don’t love yourself, I bet there are signs that are impacting the dynamic that you have. That can be another side of it too.
Beth: I agree with that. I think if we don’t love ourselves and we’re in a relationship, it makes it hard for a couple of reasons. One, it’s hard to set and hold boundaries for ourselves. It may be hard to respect the boundaries the other person has, and may be hard for us to show up and maybe give love in a way that the other person needs from us. Yeah, so I think this could be a whole separate topic. As I’m thinking about this.
Robin: It could be. I was nodding my head, Beth, as you were talking, because then also too is going off of right boundaries and not maintaining them or knowing which ones to set. I think too, if you don’t love yourself, you tend to settle. Settle for behaviors that may not be healthy or kind of settle for values, the values that you normally have and you may not be upholding them.
Beth: Or you may settle for being treated less than maybe you deserve. Quote unquote. So sometimes if we don’t love ourselves, we accept other people’s behaviors towards us that are not healthy or not loving or not kind or not respectful. And if we’re able to raise our self-love, then we don’t put up with as much. We have more respect for ourselves, and we stand up for ourselves.
Robin: Exactly. And so I feel like the first step to recognize whether you love yourself or not is notice when we’re having this topic, what you’re feeling inside. Are you feeling anxious? Are you feeling sad? Are you feeling, you know, in disagreement? Just really paying attention to that. And then also to try to say I love myself and see what happens. Are you able to say those words? And if you are able to say those words, do you believe what you’re saying? I believe that those are the first steps.
Beth: I also think along with that, it’s important if you don’t love yourself to look at some self-compassion for yourself. We all have to start somewhere. And if we if we don’t love ourselves, give that, that part of you some compassion around, like, okay, I’m having a hard time with this. Let me look at this and it’s okay to be where I’m at and feel what I feel and let me sit with these feelings and befriend them so that I can figure out what steps I can take so that I can say I love myself and believe it.
Robin: Yeah, sitting with yourself and realizing what feelings you have and emotions and it’s a step process. So maybe not doing this in one sitting, but eventually getting to the point. Okay, so why do I feel this way? How long have I felt this way and when did it first start? And the reasoning behind it again, at the pace that feels comfortable to you, the more you can start to realize the thinking and the patterns that you have, and you can try to create some type of healing for yourself in that way.
Beth: I agree with that. And when I’m first working with clients who are exploring what self-love looks like, I start very small with things like do you enjoy a cup of coffee or tea in the morning, and if so, what do you gain from that? In some respects, that time with yourself, where you’re making the coffee and enjoying the taste of it, and having some quiet moments that can be self-love because you’re honoring a part of yourself that needs that in the morning. If you take care of your body, you know physically you eat well, you drink enough water, you take care of yourself. Exercise wise, that’s an act of self-love because you care enough about yourself to do those things.
Robin: Yeah, I’m nodding my head again because it doesn’t have to be grandiose activities or gestures. Like like you just said that it’s small things that we do throughout our day. And you said this when we first started, you know, things that you may not even realize are forms of self-care. And I believe that those are things of self-care that people don’t think so. Like even I mentioned to clients, waking up and taking a shower, brushing your teeth, that shows that has a lot of strength and courage that you’re able to get out of bed and conquer the day, even though you may not feel like it. That shows that you are worthy to take care of yourself in a physical sense. So that’s very true. I think going off of that too, is understanding that through those daily activities that you do, that there’s a level of self-worth Worth that you are worth it, that you have a lot to offer the world, and thinking of ways of how that is apparent and how that shows up for you, and that can help you carry out your day too.
Beth: I second that, and I often work with a lot of clients who don’t know what they have to offer sometimes, or who feel like they take more than they give. And it’s really important to them to be able to give as well and show appreciation for others. And I have to remind them that part of this whole experience, whether it’s self-love and or giving to others, is maybe you’re a really good listener, and that’s the way you can show love to others. And maybe you’re really good at just taking some quiet moments for yourself and reflecting. And that’s the way you can show self-love to you. And by doing that, by taking care of ourselves and loving ourselves, we actually do have more to offer to others.
Robin: Yep, I agree. And we talked about this before, and I do think it’s an act of self-love too, is taking an inventory of people that you feel emotionally safe with and that you trust, and asking them and saying, hey, what do you see in me? What type of positive qualities that you see in me? And really evaluate the answers that they give. And when you get that feedback, put it aside somewhere so that you can regularly go back to it and understand again the value that you’re offering the people in your life. Like, I have a client who is undergoing a life transition, and so they didn’t realize what contribution that they are offering to their family until we went through. Okay. Well, what do you do on a daily basis? Okay. So they do chores. Well, but isn’t that helping your partner not have to do that? And so they agreed. Well yeah that is right. So you’re offering help. You’re being helpful within the household. So it’s taking an inventory and stepping back and being the observer and taking an inventory of the people around you and how they feel about you. And once you understand that, then you can start to embrace those qualities and start to hopefully take on those characteristics and show that as a way of self-love for yourself. So okay, so this person thinks that I’m smart. Well, I wonder, what is it about me that causes them to think that I’m smart? Oh, yeah, maybe I am smart in this area. So I think that’s a good thing.
Beth: It can take a lot of courage to ask those that are close to you like, hey, I’m just curious, what do you see in me that’s of value? Like, I can be a really weird, hard question to ask somebody, but if you have the courage to do it and you’re coming from a place of curiosity, it’s interesting what you get back. There’s actually a game out there. The brand is called We’re Not Really Strangers, and they have different editions of this game, but the friendship one has questions on perception, connection and reflection, and you go through the whole entire game and you ask the questions back and forth. It talks about things like, what did you first notice about me when you saw me? Or what was your first thought about me? And it’s kind of a neat way to get to know people that you already know on a different level. I don’t think there’s a Braille version of this, but I think it would work well with AI software to read the cards. If you didn’t want you’re the person you’re reading them you know you’re playing the game with to read them to you. But there’s lots of ways out there to get at these conversations that are less direct and still very informative. If it’s hard for you to ask the direct question of somebody, but listen to their answer and really, really take it in, because we can learn a lot about ourselves and how other people see us. That’s really helpful and healthy.
Robin: Yeah. Yeah, that’s a good idea. Yeah, I’m making it a fun game out of it. And again, really make sure that you feel that it’s a trusted person that you feel, you know, safe with to explore these things with. That’s listening to you. I thought about too. I wonder I don’t think I have one in this room so I can say it. Alexa devices. I wonder if they have a game like that. There tends to be a lot of fun games on there too, so that could be something worth exploring. But I do like that idea.
Beth: So how are some ways that you all show self-love? And what are some ways that you maybe show others that they’re valued? We’d love to hear from you. We do appreciate your feedback and questions, and I wanted to real quickly give an acknowledgment to the person that wrote in, I think it was or called in back in December when we talked about some tips and tricks to help have those hard conversations with family and help the holidays go more smoothly. And we did receive a message from someone who appreciated that specific podcast episode, and that it was helpful for this person to kind of have some conversations and, and benefit more from those communications. So we do receive your feedback and your questions. And someone also wrote in about maybe talking about premature birth and attachment style. And so we thought we would address that one on our next episode and not only talk about premature birth and attachment, but also talk about attachment styles in general. So we are planning on covering that. And if we’ve missed anyone’s feedback or suggestions, please send them again. We apologize, but we love hearing from you. So please reach out and give us your thoughts.
robin: Yes, we do love hearing from you. We learn a lot from the comments that you give and the questions that you ask. They are very thought provoking. So until next time, take care.
Beth: Until next time, stay grounded and take care.
Outro Song Voice: Oh, yeah, Wellness Wednesday, with Beth and Robin, gonna settle it down. Oh, yeah. Get your feet planted on the ground.
Jeff: For more podcasts with the blindness perspective. Check us out on the web at BlindAbilities.Com and be sure to subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen to podcasts. And if you want to leave us some feedback, give us a call at (612) 367-6093. We’d love to hear from you. Thanks for listening. And until next time, Bye-Bye.
Outro song voice: Taking care of ourselves. It’s all about you and taking care of yourself. Oh, yeah, Wellness Wednesday…
[Music] [Transition noise] –
When we share-
What we see
-Through each other’s eyes…
[Multiple voices overlapping, in unison, to form a single sentence]
…We can then begin to bridge the gap between the limited expectations, and the realities of Blind Abilities