Podcast Summary:
In this heartfelt episode of Wellness Wednesday, Beth, Robin, and Jeff tackle the often-overlooked topic of isolation as we age—especially for those living with disabilities. They explore how life transitions, loss of social circles, and the rise of technology can deepen loneliness, even while offering more independence. With personal stories, practical tips, and a splash of humor, the trio encourages listeners to take small steps—like making a phone call or joining a virtual meetup—to reconnect and rediscover joy in community. Aging with purpose, courage, and curiosity might just start with one brave “hello.
Check out all the Wellness Wednesday episodes.
Show Hosts:
Robin Ennis on the web at www.robinennislcsw.com
Beth Gustin, LPC, NCC, EMDRIA Approved Consultant, CAGCS, PLGS
Www.transitioningthroughchange.com
You can message Beth and Robin by calling 612-367-6093 or by email. They are looking forward to hearing from you!
Full Transcript
Beth: So if you’re just joining us.
robin: We’re embarking on an interesting topic.
Beth: We’re in the middle of a conversation with Geoff Thompson, Beth Gustin and Robin Ennis.
{Music}
Wellness Wednesday with Beth and Robin, Gonna settle it down. Oh, yeah. Get your feet planted on the ground. Wellness Wednesday.
Beth: There are lots of apps out there that can connect you via voice chat to other people with common interests.
Jeff: I think the acceptance of getting older, just like the acceptance of your blindness and accepting that this is the path that we’re going down, is and was a challenge.
Robin: As we get older, some people may get defeated or feel like they won’t be able to catch on in regards to that which impedes on their independence.
Beth: Welcome to Wellness Wednesday. It’s been a while. We are back. My name is Beth, licensed professional counselor here in Colorado with my co-host Robin Ennis, licensed clinical social worker also here in Colorado. And we also have the amazing Jeff Thompson with us today. And we’ve been talking about isolation, which is a problem for many of us, but I think it’s a problem even more so as we age. And there’s a lot of reasons for that. So we’ve been discussing that before we officially begin recording this podcast episode.
Robin: Hey everyone. And it’s very true. You know, as we get older, there’s a lot of articles and even news programming that have talked about how it’s harder to make friends when we’re not in school. Right? That’s when we’re in school, whether it’s elementary, high school, college, whatever it may be. That’s when we tend to be around people a lot of the time, and we tend to branch out more socially as we start to leave school. Right. We spend a lot of our time at work, and so we spend a lot more time around colleagues. And actually some people even said we spend more time at work than with our family. But then what happens when we retire? Right? And then that’s where it can become even more prevalent. The isolation or lack of a friend?
Jeff: Yeah. Hey, everyone. I was talking about the Covid thing before we started here, how all of us were, like, isolated or you couldn’t go out to gatherings in groups. And it was really different. And then when it opened up again, we had to relearn myself, I know for a fact had, you know, get used to natural conversations in groups, that isolation kind of brings it back into a place, and then you have to go back out again. So, like you said, when you’re a senior, it slowly gets more isolating in a sense, as people drift apart a little bit, children move away and situations change.
Beth: I agree, and I think, you know, as we get older our friend group tends to die off. Unfortunately, because we’re all getting older and many people don’t want to move into independent living facilities and things like that, but they can be really helpful because as I kind of joke, when you’re in school as a kid, you’re kind of forced to make friends for 40 hours a week, roughly. And the same is true when you’re at work. And the same can be said for living in a retirement community, because there’s activities if you choose to partake in them, that can help reduce isolation. But that isn’t always affordable. That isn’t always feasible. And so if you’re living at home and you are older, it’s a lot more work to build a community to reduce isolation. It takes way more energy and way more effort.
Robin: It does take a lot of work. Way more energy and way more effort. I want to add to that list is courage. It takes a lot of courage to branch out and meet new people. I’ve heard some people on my caseload of varying ages Say. Yeah, but when? Like, let’s just say, for example, a client who has a disability. Well, but now I have got to branch out and meet somebody new, and there comes that sense of emotional and physical safety. How will I be perceived or received by that person? So you really have to open yourself up to a new level of vulnerability. But that’s where trust comes into play, right? With any ability status, getting to know a person and figuring out, okay, is this person somebody who is authentic, somebody who I feel like I can get along with that. We have hobbies and somebody that I can, I can trust. And thinking about different avenues to where you can be able to, again, take that step to branch out and to meet those people. That really comes down to what interests you. They have different groups, you know, like Beth mentioned at retirement places or even, you know, whether it’s ARP or AARP. I know meetups have different groups according to interest. I know for sure when some people hear the word retirement center or independent living center, that can be scary within itself to like, well, no, I don’t want to be put in one of those, or I don’t want to lose even more independence or whatever it may be. I think it’s just trying to figure out what makes you feel comfortable in those different areas.
Jeff: I think sometimes it starts with a phone call or returning a text. I went through some of my contacts and stuff, and all of a sudden I stop at one. I go, you know what? I drop them a line or I send them an email or I make contact with them. And lately what I’ve been doing, and this pertains to it a little bit, is I’ve been like, if someone I notice has had an impact on me over the last, you know, decades or years or something, I just send them a positive note like, hey, I want to thank you for what you’ve been doing. One person was in theater. I said, you’ve always been in the children’s theater. You’ve been in the community theatre, you’ve done this since high school and you’re still doing it today. And I’m sure you’ve impacted a lot of people. And I sent that and it really brightened their day. And about three weeks later, there was an email back, you know, or, you know, a message back, a text, a phone call. I’ve been doing this a little bit more intentionally, trying to just stay connected a little bit with some people out there. As Beth, you said, some people are dying off and it gets thinner in the realm of people that I would be hanging out with and stuff. So taking that initiative to make contact with people opens up opportunities as well.
Beth: It definitely gets lonely, I think, as we get older. And not that we’re not lonely now in some respects, but I think we can get lonelier if we have a good support system or a good friendship circle, and people do die off. And I think it’s it takes a lot of courage to reach out to people, even if it’s friends or contacts. I’m glad you’re doing that. And I think I wish we all could do that because it does. It makes a world of difference if we just reach out even like one person a week, you know, if that’s all you can do, that’s a good start. I hear somebody saying, I don’t have anyone to reach out to. Okay, well start small. You know, can you get to your local coffee shop and just challenge yourself to go there once a week? You’ll meet people, you know. Can you go to your local library? Can you go to your active adult center and just see what they have to offer? You don’t have to sign up for anything but go and see what’s out there. You don’t know until you gather information.
Robin: Right?
Beth: Even a phone call to the active adult center nearest you to say, hey, I’m feeling isolated, and I’d like to change that. What do you offer? You don’t even have to go. You can just call. There’s. There’s a lot of things we can do to help ourselves reduce isolation. If we can get past the fear.
Robin: Yeah, and it’s taking and breaking it down into steps. Right. That’s like you just said. Even if you don’t go to the place making that phone call, that’s the first step. So breaking it down into Smart goals, more achievable goals so that you can say oh look, at least I did that. So then maybe next week I’ll actually be able I made that phone call, so maybe I’ll be able to go for a tour. Maybe that’ll be the first step. I feel like breaking it down into smaller steps helps things be less unknown, right? The unknown creates that level of fear, too. So the more that you know about something that can help ease that level of anxiety. But Beth and Jeff, both of you mentioned, you know, contacting people. And I think that’s a really good idea. I think also to that I’ve been hearing is that when we get older, right, and we have these really good friends and then they, they pass away and their absence is very much felt. And then also too, it causes us two different things. First is to think about Wow, I wish I did keep in contact with them. More like it was already mentioned. You know, maybe even its setting aside ten minutes or so to call somebody that can be helpful. And I know me as a person. That’s what I need to get better at because life is short, but it’s also too good to spend time with the people around us. The other thing, too, is I think that we start to think about our own mortality, which can cause us to feel even more alone as we get older. Okay, so this is happening to my friends, people around me. People are my age. That’s scary because that means that this is going to eventually happen to me. So it causes people to confront that level of fear of death as well.
Jeff: I think the acceptance of getting older, like just like the acceptance of your blindness and accepting that this is the path that we’re going down is and was a challenge. And as you get older, here it comes, the reality of your surroundings, the people that you once knew. The generation ahead of you. Is thinning down and you realize it’s. It’s a road that leads to there. And the isolation just kind of makes that grow into a way that it’s uncomfortable sometimes. And if you can make contacts with people, maybe they’re thinking the same thing, and maybe that conversation can draw you to or a group of people together in a sense that, hey, we gotta stick together and do something about it, or I got to get out more, or I gotta find a way of getting out more, or what’s going on in the city, what’s going on in my community, what’s going on in associations, organizations, and that type of thing? Or am I turning down those birthday party invites? Am I turning down thing? Am I compounding this, or am I doing something about it to alleviate it?
Robin: Yeah, I want to add that to culture, because there are some cultures who are very collective and where they view getting older as wisdom, right? It’s a prized possession. It’s something to be gained. And whereas I think in more individualistic societies as ours, getting older is more challenging because it’s more viewed in the realm of what are we losing versus what are we gaining?
Beth: I agree with that. And I think I’m thinking two things. I’m thinking one, death cafes are coming to mind, which is where you actually go and you talk about all things death. And it can really help with that acceptance piece if there is a death cafe near you. But more importantly, I think something else to touch on here is we’re discussing aging, but we haven’t discussed in depth aging with a disability, which compounds the isolation, in my opinion, because if we’re losing our sight, for example, we have to relearn how to do all these things we’ve done our whole lives. We have to get comfortable getting in a car with strangers if we can’t drive anymore. And we’re taught our whole lives not to do that. And so going back to breaking things into steps. I think there’s additional steps we have to take, or even more courage in some respects, that we need to have so that we can get out of the house.
Robin: Yes, yes, I agree, and that’s one thing that I’ve been talking about with my clients. I want to throw a shout out to the caller really quick who brought up this topic, because it is something that a lot of people are facing. And again, we do listen to your phone calls and your emails. So thank you for the caller. I hope you know who you are. But thank you for bringing this up because aging and disability does add challenges, especially if your disability requires use of technology. I know that quite a few individuals on my caseload that’s a challenge is they feel like, well, now that I’m getting older, my memory is changing and I have to remember all of these, like, let’s say, a screen reader. I have to remember all of these different keystrokes. And it’s hard for me to retain the information and technology can be very daunting to learn and it’s constantly changing. And so as we get older, some people may get defeated or feel like they won’t be able to catch on in regards to that which impedes on their independence, because now technology, a lot of it does help us become more independent.
Jeff: I think when you’re talking about technology, there’s stuff like Instacart, an app that you can get on your phone and you can do your shopping, and we all love that at one point, because otherwise we would have to find a ride. We would have to find someone to help us do this. And it involved a chain of events that would have to come about. And miraculously, you got groceries. And now with Instacart and stuff, you can just swipe and tap and do this. Wait a little while and they’re at the door. You just have to bring them in. But that takes away that interaction that you had with your shopper, with the person who drives. You know, if you worked it out every two weeks or something once a week or something that you do stuff like that. These apps have like combining aging and combining a disability. The things that are helping us are also isolating us to, in a sense, because we don’t need help with everything else. Where at one point in my journey I did involve a driver, I did involve my family more and stuff. And now the more independent I became, the more easier it is to fall into isolating myself.
Beth: I agree it’s also challenging to learn those apps. So I think of my clients who are older and who now have to learn enough technology to learn how to use an app to get their groceries, and that’s an extra layer of challenge that it can be really hard to master that. And so I think there’s this extra layer of like, well, now what do I do? Because I don’t know anyone who can give me a ride necessarily. I don’t know how to use the app. How did I get my groceries? And we all figure it out. We all find our system, we find our way. But I think I just want to highlight the challenge to learning the technology to get your groceries, for example. And you’re right, Jeff. I think technology is wonderful, but it has actually increased isolation in many respects. On the other hand, if you are a fan of, say, like discord or I think clubhouse is still around, I don’t know, like WhatsApp, maybe another example, but there are lots of apps out there that can connect you via voice chat to other people with common interests. And again, you have to use the technology. But there are ways to reduce isolation. Never leave your house. I’m not supporting them. I think getting out of your house is better. But again, if we’re starting small, if virtual is what you can do, then do it.
Robin: I agree.
Speaker2: There’s also two things that I.
Robin: Want to add to that though. Going back to Instacart or any other shopping app, I feel like it is a building block, right? To get people familiar with shopping. Like let’s say they have a visual disability or whatever it may be, building up their confidence in that way. However, with those apps, and as we get older, or if we don’t have employment, those apps can be expensive in terms of delivery fees or service fees, all of those fees. When I get to the end, I’m like, huh, how did it? How did it get that expensive? So that’s another drawback. And if people are able to go in person, like if they have transportation, luckily in Colorado, you know, for people who don’t ride the bus system, we have accessory, which is through the Regional Transportation District. It’s a special bus for those with disabilities. Or they’ve teamed up with Uber and Lyft to offer vouchers for individuals as well, to check to see what your state has in terms of free or low cost transportation, so that you could go to the store in person and ask for a personal shopper because they do have those. And that way you can get the interaction and be able to feel your fruits or your vegetables or whatever it may be.
Jeff: I think to with vocational rehab, especially in the senior units, they do have groups that meet and it might be in the kitchen. To learn more about labeling your kitchen or some tips and tricks that people are using, and you might be able to bring some of your skills there to help others as well. Not only is it an opportunity to learn stuff, but it’s an opportunity to get to know other people who may be going through the same thing, especially in the age group that you’re in. And if you’re younger than that, there are organizations out there that do gather, and then they have divisions that are geared towards interests that you may have, where that might be something that you want to do. I know that ACB has a lot of online stuff that groups meet, and they talk and chat, and they have schedules and stuff. It always seems like they have something going on, which is impressive to see that they have that and they have something that goes out each night. So you can see what’s coming up on that day and you can tune in to some stuff which may lead to you getting to know other people and finding out what their situation is like, and see how it compares to yours. And maybe there’s some solutions there.
Beth: Absolutely. And there’s also ACB, NFB, centers for Independent Living are also good places to find support groups and peer support, and more specifically. So learn about your resources. And if you don’t know, ask. You know the person you ask may not know, but they might know, someone who might know, and so on and so forth. So don’t be afraid to ask. We don’t know what we don’t know, but there are lots of options out there to connect. Whether you want to connect with others who are visually impaired or blind, or people who are who are not, and more on a common interest. I’m thinking about online book clubs, for example. They’re out there. You have to dig, but you can find them. You want to learn a new language. There’s groups out there to do that virtually and in person, you know. So think about your interests and see if you can align a group with that. And it makes connecting easier when you’ve got a common interest to start with.
Robin: I agree. Yeah. I just want to reiterate what the both of you said. I don’t have anything else to add. Right. It’s always good to know your know your resources. And even if they’re virtual resources, maybe they’ll lead to in-person resources so you can be able to get out more or whatever, you know, help to.
Beth: I want to give a shout out to one more. You don’t Look Blind is ran here in Denver, but they have people nationwide that connect on their zoom call. And I have not joined the full disclosure, but they have an in-person once a month meeting here in Denver. But they have a zoom, I believe, once a month online meeting as well. I’ve heard very, very good things about that group. So another option to add to your list of resources.
Robin: That’s a good.
Jeff: One to be neat to see your friends going. I don’t know what’s going on with her or him, but they’re always busy. Now what’s going on? And then they might want to start to tag along. So I think it’s contagious. If you start doing something and other people are wondering, you know, they bring them along. When you mention zoom conferences or zoom meetings and stuff. I know a group, not a group. A friend of mine and his school buddies that he grew up with, they meet every I don’t know if it’s every Wednesday, once a month or whatever they do, but they meet. I’ll talk to them sometimes. What are you doing? Well, tomorrow I have that meeting, blah blah blah, and they sit on the zoom and just reminisce and, uh, talk. So, you know, they’re connected. So that’s maybe an idea too.
Beth: There’s also adaptive sport options out there. So if you are still able to do things like hiking or depending on your age and ability, rock climbing or skiing or, you know, there’s different adaptive options out there to still do the athletic activities. If that’s something your body will let you do.
Robin: And.
Speaker2: Traveling.
Beth: And traveling.
Robin: You’re able to do that financially. They have some groups who specifically or you could not do specifically for people with disabilities, but that’s an option to.
Jeff: Wilderness inquiry, which started in Minnesota here does stuff in, you know, steamboat or Glacier, but they do a lot of stuff in the Boundary Waters. It’s pretty much all inclusive. You show up, bring your meds, bring your change of clothes, but they provide the canoes, they provide the food, everything like that. And it’s started for actually disabled veterans. And then they expanded it out to help people with disabilities. So they and their families or groups of common interests can have access to the wilderness and enjoy what the person that started it was enjoying and the price packages. But if you don’t have to go to target and spend 2 or $300 on new camping gear that you’ll use possibly once or twice and then have to store it, they have everything ready for. They set up camp, they set up the canoes so you show up, but then they let you be involved as much as you can. There’s another place called Sociable Holidays that’s out of England. But if you wanted to go see Italy, if you want to go see Scotland, if you want to see a list of other countries, they have it set up where you fly in and then they basically have an agenda where you do stuff. It’s a neat way in groups to meet other people with common disabilities. So there are some options out there.
Robin: Jeff, do your best. Have anything else you want to add before you wrap up today?
Beth: I was going to wind it down.
Robin: All right. So as always, we like hearing from you. So if you have anything to add to this list of ideas to branch out more socially, email or call us again, we enjoy hearing from you.
Beth: Until next time, take care and stay grounded.
Robin: Until next time, take care.
Jeff: As always, thanks for listening. Until next time. Bye bye.
{Music}
Wellness Wednesday, Gonna settle it down. Oh, yeah. Get your feet planted on the ground. Wellness Wednesday.
Jeff: For more podcasts with The Blindness Perspective, check us out on the web at BlindAbilities.com. Download the free Blind Abilities app from the App Store. That’s two words Blind Abilities. And if you want to leave some feedback, give us some suggestions. Give us a call at (612) 367-6093. We’d love to hear from you. I want to thank you for listening. And until next time, bye-bye.
Outro Voices: When we share-
What we see
-Through each other’s eyes…
[Multiple voices overlapping, in unison, to form a single sentence]
…We can then begin to bridge the gap between the limited expectations, and the realities of Blind Abilities